the darkness was a process of releasing, the night was a blessing

Back again:


For many years I asked and prayed for relief and it has been dark but now there is an emerging clarity. Now I see that I have been getting and receiving all I had asked for, the darkness was a process of releasing, the night was a blessing.

This morning I look towards the dawn and know I have come through it, I now have the strength to relinquish; I am shedding the layers of fear that have built up through the years. Without the changes within I am useless to the world, without the guidance bringing about the crisis I would have been stuck in self-indulgence. Keep collecting experiences but relax in the higher vibrations once more.


Last weekend was a reminder that when we are ready, when we are up to the task, our souls will deliver. Yes, a truckload of misery, trauma, abuse and lack of self worth from the depths of the sub-conscious will get dumped on us.

It is time to release the pain that we carry, we have to take an honest look at ourselves in order to move forward. We always think it's all gone afterwards but good to know now that there is always more, so be prepared because it can come out of nowhere.

We come to this place; where we have outgrown our drama and  the coping strategies that we have used for life have become outdated. Through a trial by fire we come to realise we are ready to ditch the behaviours that no longer serve us, shedding the skins of many years of numbing out the pain.

When it hits it can be overwhelming, it can scare the shit out of us but we are older and wiser now, it takes courage to surrender but we are ready. Then as we emerge from the darkness, we see that we are able, we are capable, we are strong enough and we are worthy. We are exactly where we need to be: purified, uplifted, and back on track in a whole new way.


all things work together for good

Illusions about about partnership: one down. The life goes on in it's own way. I'm taking a sidetrack again because of this pain. When I need someone to say I understand, I know this, I feel you. The drugs do what they do. My coping strategy works for this. This is good for me, the wine just helps me feeling fine. When I truly felt this life, that's when I knew I would lose my mind over it. The ease with which they go about the daily life. Just surface being without a care for the downtrodden from birth, I cannot fathom the 'all is working together for good' theory when I know that out there suffering is tolerated and allowed. I cannot own it, I cannot go on with these demands of me, I've decided to let it slide, a beautiful slide downwards. I've found that being authentic isn't what society wants, I've found that I don't fit in, time and time again, I just can't fake it, I suck at pretending, I know it's what they desire from me but I have to say that courage isn't appreciated if you want to get a place in the sun. I understand the addicts, I say brothers and sisters, you go for it. I don't blame you one bit. They drive by so slick, they ride by so shady. The sunlight splits when entering the windows of the house, this multiplicity is not found in my fellow men with their blind belief in the dreamworld. So phantoms reach and I know that death is my only true comfort. It has been said of me that I am proud, that I stand above and it repulses them, it has been said that my barricade blocks closeness, that I can't be reached because of what I know. Maybe I do know more than is good for me but it was shown, it was there, it is there still, the truth. Yes, I am judgmental, I agree, I haven’t found that mediocrity works for me very well. I've found balance to be boring, I've found society to be repulsive and slow. Now I am checking out, good luck with your kids and your happy go lucky. Apparently it's all worth your effort.


illusion of seperation

The truth of the matter is
that your entire life consists
of nothing but Angel time.


gotta love polarity now

creation destruction
i am dancing for them both


wake up, wake up, we are almost home
stuck, fuck this impudent sense of being
trapped in density
those that you once coached now whistle carelessly
while you writhe in disgust
in all honesty
I curse all creation
never rewarded for the effort
consolation ever further
any effort at positivity is fucked
now just sit and be happy for the passing day
one closer to death
one closer to an ending
one closer to ever increasing pain
It is laughable how much care you once had for yourself
so much compassion
brought to tears as you watched the fellow humans
the gravel cuts my face
I seek blood loss
I smoke so much, still not enough
I hope my lungs burn
I hope my throat burns
may I never speak of the illusuary light again
may I never allow myself to entertain any thought of love
one step away from doom
I welcome the destruction of self
I welcome the torture of flesh
my own, my body may it suffer for all the falseness
May I never believe myself to be loved again
for all my caring I am less of a man
for all my loving I am closer to truth
press the button
no chance of grace
what stupidity to think that I was special
from now on I shall shut the fuck up
I vow never to reach
I vow never to teach
I shall embark now on a life of utter destruction
May I end up on the streets
May I end up in the gutter
May I end up in hell
and know that I am home
and all is well

the cold of this climate

Through this undertone of deep sorrow
I continue to wish that it was over
This life, because I have never had the time
for romance, soul longing
Desert of rampant gay sex destruction
spread like a cosmos of death
They claim it brings joy but I cry such tears
at the lack I perceive, the cold of this climate
My soul, you know of this cruelty, you know of this desolation,
yet you do nothing, you pitiful creature
It is not great what you have done.
This sort must be extinct, the species that would love and be loved
so simple, somehow innocent, you are naive, you are dumb!
Such wishful fantasy to think
that your fellow men, even know it
You percieve, such fellowship, fools practise
this temporary oblivion.
I am dying, I pray I am dying
This reality just renders me, these dying embers are gutting,
cutting to the inner flesh of me,
such a simple thing; a touch, a smile, simple romance
unknown, companionship,
I cannot be contained here, I am alone
just a tremble of warmth, I see none in this city
I am a sorrow, self pity
no, no, not going out to get
to take, steal, there are none

Reincarnation, judgment and the present

When you leave this human life experience you are not judged in any way, you are not condemned, you are not trapped, you are not blamed, and you are not sentenced.

You will come to realize and understand everything about the nature of being human and the purpose of creation. You will see everything from a completely different viewpoint.

Reincarnation is not a wheel of imprisonment or entrapment. Reincarnation does not entail the concept of karma as debt or punishment. 

You will be so moved by the suffering you have caused and been part of, you will hold much remorse for the judgment you have held and the choices you have made and you will instantly see how it could have been done differently and how different choices could have been made. 

There is always some amount of responsibility involved in the choice to be alive on planet earth.

You will be very excited to jump straight back into a body and into the human experience, in order to try out different choices. There is no negative judgment involved, only compassion and joy. 

It is a real thrill to be human. It is a game we angels play and our growth is part of a larger expansion of a far greater reality than even we can comprehend. 

Reality is infinite.

The transitory nature of the human game (we learn most well through play) makes it humanly speaking a timeline of experience of past, present and future. A human thinks that there is a past and that there is a future for humanity but really there is only the present moment where all is happening simultaneously. The prehistory is happening now and the future likened to a science fiction novel is also happening now.

Within the story of humanity as a species there is growth and development as you see it within your present life, within the parameters of the game this is necessary. Polarity is also crucial for the correct learning environment. Polarity entails opposites and also judgment, differentiation is quite paramount to survival on planet earth.

The earthlife from a human experience is one of great contrasts, similarities and differences. Within this spectrum there is freedom to experience every manner of suffering and unknowing. There can be great darkness and conflict and you make choices, you act, you live and you are curious to try everything within the boundaries of the game.

We are joyful in our effort for we learn constantly, we discover, we expand and it is all good. The density of the polarity allows us to truly know ourselves and this existence and it is infinite in its expression. 

The human experience entails a forgetting (temporarily) of who you are. It is not always complete and utter, there is always contact and connection with the source in which we exist as beings playing this game of human life in this dimension. The source is infinite and we wish to grow and know it better.

It seems from a human perspective in a duality universe that life is finite, limited, conditional and confined and it has to be that way for the experience to be conducive to learning and growth and I add: great joy.

So we revisit the earth as a hologram or game, time and time again in a process you could term reincarnation because we do reincarnate as humans in order to experiment with choice and all manner of experience.

We have created this 'game' so that we can learn about a state of being and a state of density that is so unlike our own but one which is very much part of our territory and dimension as we expand. 

When the learning process is complete and we have mastered the game, we will all move on, all humans included, into a new experience of expansion and infinity. 

We will all leave the wheel of death and rebirth as one unified entity. At that point (within the timeline) we will be satisfied and deeply fulfilled by the game. 

Reincarnation is a compassionate and loving choice, it is a commitment to growth and it brings great joy.

At this present moment within your perceived timeline within human evolution we specifically wish to have the veil lifted further and further to allow more and more light into your lives and in order to tip the scales of your and our human world in favor of joy as an experience. 

This process has been termed already by some humans as conscious-creation or the consciousness of infinity. Unconditional love is the fabric of reality; we are all one with the source of all life (light) as it is.

There is only the present moment but the amnesia is truly remarkable as it allows for all types of illusion, confusion and contraction. This is very fascinating stuff for us. The physical reality of your (our) world is quite special.

Unconditional love worked out within the game is our purpose and our goal is to know ourselves as we are and we are unconditional love. This human experience (game) allows us to get to know ourselves as we truly are and we learn a great deal and experience great joy from it. Our reality is one of joy.

So reality is not time-based for us as manifestations of source energy but it is always time-based if we wish to portray to you something of this existence, the human story of your (our) lives.

What then of the suffering and so called evil and what of good and so called love? 
Outside of the human experience there is no judgment for we are beings of unconditional love within the energy of source. To know that there is no judgment may cause feelings of shock and outrage.

There is no concept of morality, judgment or condemnation outside of the human experience. The nature of unconditional love is allowing for this deception and illusion to take place so that we might know ourselves better and know the infinite as it is.

We leave the game complete and as masters over it. This means we have learnt about unconditional love as effectively as possible in a deep and integrated way and can now move on in joy. Again I explain this as a timeline but it is not.

To experience this (ourselves) expanding entails the experience of that which we are not. We hold no darkness within ourselves but we wish to expand and grow, this entails new and unchartered territory and that which is infinite. The human experience (game) allows for this.

In our joy of play we visit the full spectrum of duality in all its manifestations, emotions, senses, instincts and forms of matter. This includes the more brutal and evil behaviors, in other words that which may not seem to be serving joy or the greater good but I say that it is.

A human body is a marvelous creation and quite perfect really, everything is designed to meet the requirements of our evolution and expansion. 

Know that all experience is choice, you (we) are in this together. We play different roles within the game, we research everything, and we cover all expressions of humanity within polarity. 

We are all 'bad guys' and 'good guys’, we play together continuously and we are all one within the expansion of infinite source.

We will move on when we are done and we already are. Looking at your particular life now, it is very interesting. This communication is possible because we wish to integrate unconditional love and masterhood into your life and the lives of many of your fellow humans in this age.

From your point of view your times are troubled but no more than any other timeline past or future. The human experience in a polarity universe is always going to be somewhat ‘rocky’.

The consciousness of the experience is different for you in this specific lifetime, it is more pronounced for you now than the others lifetimes. 

There are forces at play within the parameters of the game, most humans seek to play victim and some, just a few, have set themselves up as perpetrators. They (you, us), within the confines of the veil and within the amnesia believe themselves to rule over the planet through a network of conspiracy and dominion. 

Many of those in so called power on earth have socio- and psychotic roles and experiences. The majority are playing victim.

This is all good and well, the game is going good (from a learning perspective it could never be bad). We seek though now to change the game this time around for you and many humans but not all. 

We are getting through now and the veil is thinning.

The tables are turning and the victims are becoming conscious and the perpetrators are becoming conscious and we (you) are co-creating in a very specific manner now. This is the realization of you (ourselves) as beings of unconditional love; this is becoming a conscious reality now.

Within this timeline you are waking up to this truth. 

You are bringing light into your life and the darkness is becoming conscious. 

Do you see how we are expanding and growing from this game, from this being? 
This is our nature of joy.

You need never question again whether or not your life has purpose or meaning because every second of your time is precious and perfect as a learning experience. Every moment of creation is joyful from our perspective even the most extreme polarity of darkness and fear holds great wisdom and knowledge within it. 

All forms of life and expression are allowed and encouraged within this game.

You and I we are the same entity, separation is an illusion, a game, a great understanding and unfolding, a flash of very bright light.


Science of the Spirit -- Sott.net

We were made for these times

high times

It is important for you all to focus on the frequency of that which you seek to create. You are moving into a time on the planet in which you are redefining yourselves and creating ways of interacting collectively that have previously not existed, not even in the high times of Atlantis or Lemuria. If you seek to use the past as a reference point you will limit your creations as the energy you are moving into has the potential to far surpass that of the past.


reflections in trembling waters

visible spiral
spiritual viral
passing comet in the mirror

volatile passage

rummaging through the attic
of our second lives
the boxes of lies

pile up of plastic and bored
out of our minds

mind the turkey
mind the rabbit
they have a symbolic role

symbiotic hole

with the light here too
but tight all through


Wherefrom do all these worlds come?

They come from space. All beings arise from space, and into space they return: space is indeed their beginning, and space is their final end.



attract soul

Where there is creation there is progress. Where there is no creation there is no progress: know the nature of creation.
Where there is joy there is creation. Where there is no joy there is no creation: know the nature of joy.
Where there is the infinate there is joy. There is no joy in the finite.

Chandogya Upanishad