28/10/2014

winter can enter

Before I know it, I will be gone again, to begin again.
Will I have realized by then my potential?
To be aware of how this life is.
I am not the same person that I was,
I am grown, the behaviour no longer fits, the attitude is different.
It's not the same, I am a player in a new game, yet is is the same.
To practise caution is what I might learn even when hopeful, even when recieving.
I am aware of myself sometimes giving towards causes that would seem profitable,
this has been my state of late.
From the past I would learn that I have only just left it,
I should enjoy the change.
When the dream becomes real it's time to reflect, express gratitude.
The winter can enter.

like this

If anyone asks you how the perfect satisfaction of all our sexual wanting will look,
lift your face and say,
Like this.
When someone mentions the gracefulness of the nightsky,
climb up on the roof and dance and say,
Like this.
If anyone wants to know what "spirit" is,
or what "God's fragrance" means,

lean your head toward him or her.
Keep your face there close.
Like this.
When someone quotes the old poetic image about clouds gradually uncovering the moon,
slowly loosen knot by knot the strings of your robe.
Like this.
~ Rumi

way back home

The childhood days are dead and gone
But the memories still linger on

i am here, i am, here, i

In this physical arena, I give you ether.
I give you rise to compromise.
I offer you a higher plateau, not practical like you.
I’ll float away unless you pull me down.
Hold me down, on home-ground.
Unless you surrender to this force
I remain unfound.

depth of knowing

I feel some resistance to it playing out in my surroundings and within me, there is some uncertainty.
Loss of control is causing me to be enticed by drama, anything that feels familiar to me but that is falling away now.

22/10/2014

19/10/2014

melancho

26-09

I don't understand, I don't understand, living well seems to be to no avail here, I miss u baby.
So close by there are those that succeed in this game and then there is loss.
The lust lies scattered like dust over this silver, there is no core to this pain, there is no explanation for this missing, this fate is just choking me.
I know you go on with her, with them, into the distance you are walking and I feel like I will forever be trailing, out in the cold behind.
Kiss me one more time for this forbidden love ending, you can hold your head high with your companions and me on the sidelines, I have been waiting, filling up the cracks with studies of life, futile.
I knew I was cheating myself, falling in love with this premonition, when I should know that fear is gone, numbness prevails.

It looks like the longing for a full, deep and intense experience is universally present but can never be fulfilled in this life, any experience of this is fleeting and perishable, fragile.
This results in clingy behavior but desire is rotting, it stinks and yet it never leaves us.
To be able to feel and know anything in its totality is a futile pursuit and impossible for it goes against the nature of reality in which only change is a constant.
We will be forever moving through differing states, moving through contradicting emotions and relationships and pining for a state of love, pleasure or contentment that is lasting but nothing lasts beyond any measure of time, certainly not love, certainly not desire.

When the dark thunderheads approached me through the window, here was this body that aches and creaks alone.
For the day is passing like the white sands through my fingers, for the evening comes as a remedy to be mixed, soothing as a lotion for the cracked skin of my land.
I drink of the old solution that I once shared, the song of solomon and in the air it carries as a siren across the tide.
Drowning in the creek, face down in the muddy water, I would surface but hide, in the grasses I weep for my lost shepherd, in the darkness I am racked for my heart.
He came over the moor with sadness on his brow, like was his trade.

When the music comes in the night; the dub reggae, then shall I slow down to meet the memory of you while I lye and absorb. Drinks can never fully numb me out to this romance, smoke can never fully cloud the movies of the mind, sleep can not shut out the sensation of skin on skin. Your perfume lingers on my shirt, the band plays on, the floating chords.

18/10/2014

in her lists of will

Huge change on the current timeline of mind. Switching tracks to where I can be able to sit back and relax. There is no sudden end to life as we know it, the whole doomsday scenario is just completely not a factor anymore and can be safely deleted from the programming. Yes, there will be global bumps in the road and personal bumps of course too and I could die at any second, as a planet though and where human life is concerned, in my reality at least, there is no final curtain; armageddon style. That was a scenario programmed into me, thanks to the sectarian christian upbringing. Nowadays after years of watching the world go crazy; I understand that nature always does it's utmost best to bring things back into balance, in one way or another, and it's really quite alright for me to get on with my life now and still have dreams and everything.

14/10/2014

wave on its way

full of this season
down to the river
to the water flowing

10/10/2014

the eye in the eye

we do not speak of that
love/death
prefer not to speculate
knowledge protects

we do not feel truly alive
sexual machinations
more like a fly
trapped in a web

toying with scenario's
based on assumptions
when did that work?
in the flesh

the spirit is static
like a backwater
comletely submerged
maya maya

Timeline Engineers

Document 2

Today I am very aware of the differences in consciousness, the subtle and the sudden, it takes belief in states to a whole new level, more into the realm of knowing.

I have changed. Seven weeks.

They know that time is fluid and that it moves in many directions.

Reverse Engineered = Drama

Upward Spiral = Fun

Now I have experienced this; there is apparently more to the multiple timeline theory than I had first reckoned on, apparently much more than I had bargained for even.

cosmic spirit organises the collective units

document 2

It's been suprising (notable) that lots of things and people today were the same, even though I assumed all had radically changed (become better).

I have changed.

Yesterday I had some moments of space within the timeline, there were gaps of awareness.
Chunks of understanding falling into place.

Other people are crucial for self-reflection, I need others.

...even...

09/10/2014

ty

showers
animals plants
coffee tea
books
place to live
the family
clothes shoes
my bed
music melody
food sunshine
peace
me reiki

08/10/2014

Solitude, I say, is the essence of mysticism: and I add, the basis of its supreme social importance...

autumn here
moon changed
spirit revived?

less pressure
in the valley
slow path

more silver
kali yuga
new name?

waiting in vain
no more hide
they lied

overtly positive
people often
seem old

useless bane
rising tide
same game