Some past part of me is being recycled back into my current life.
I was in a great transition, playing the hanged man like my soul was put on hold. Now there are pieces coming back to me; parts of the whole.
This is another soul-retrieval spanning years that is coming to completion. I can feel as I once did, yet from a more grounded perspective, yes this is a new freedom.
There are many new questions and doubts as there must be. There are new paths unwinding and doors firmly shut behind me.
Some would say; well you are getting older, this is only natural. I could agree, yet I feel younger, much younger, I'm going through a new adolescence as my spirit is rejuvenated.
No-one is old unless they feel young and innocent again, moving through a time and place that is untouched by attachment to outcomes. Now I am ready to be alone, to be whole, to be fulfilled as I am.
Don't look back, just leave it, let it be. I have wanted this for so long. Only my body could show me, teach me. It felt like lifetimes of pain, they were just years. It felt like an onslaught; brutal in it's tenacity yet nothing could be so loving as this body has been to me. I would never have listened, so stubborn is the flesh. I was wary of the brightness.
So intense is the light that we all cling and cower in the shadows of our own making, all will be made clear, all will be realized to be released. In time we all grow old and older and then young again, again and again.
What always got me was the serpent that devours the tail and twists and turns around the tree in a spiral of flirtatious longing and deceptive loving.
It confused me to know my lustful nature, it confused me to know my purity of being. They are intertwined always, so whispers my body softly. Come hither and lye down; I am moaning in ecstasy for the earthiness of my incarnation.
I am sprawled out like a landscape, shining this sun on my chest, on my arms and legs and on my face. I am massaging the living waters into my skin, rubbing and smoothing the features.
I have come to know this as medicine for the soulful glands.
It all just flows like a mountain stream now. To know this for all of my days, o to realize this for the rest of my many years.
To heal our soul we begin by healing our emotions, and negative ego behaviors. We choose to listen to our heart and feelings, and determine the ways we can become more kind and loving to ourselves and others. When strengthening our character, by increasing our tolerance and compassion for others, we help to develop Emotional Competence, as well as more confidence and Self Esteem. These qualities help us to have a better understanding and interpretation of what is actually happening around us, which increases our accuracy in the discernment of people and events. Negative and destructive emotions that are suppressed and remain hidden, greatly cloud our discernment and obfuscate the interpretation we make about events in our life.
[...] Depressed people often have severe, complex problems, and rumination is a common feature. Depressed people often believe that their ruminations give them insight into their problems, but clinicians often view depressive rumination as pathological because it is difficult to disrupt and interferes with the ability to concentrate on other things. Abundant evidence indicates that depressive rumination involves the analysis of episode-related problems. Because analysis is time consuming and requires sustained processing, disruption would interfere with problem-solving.
The paper continues:
The analytical rumination (AR) hypothesis proposes that depression is an adaptation that evolved as a response to complex problems and whose function is to minimize disruption of rumination and sustain analysis of complex problems. It accomplishes this by giving episode-related problems priority access to limited processing resources, by reducing the desire to engage in distracting activities (anhedonia), and by producing psychomotor changes that reduce exposure to distracting stimuli. Because processing resources are limited, the inability to concentrate on other things is a tradeoff that must be made to sustain analysis of the triggering problem [...]
In other words, the inability to feel pleasure or enjoyment during depressive episodes may be the brain ridding itself of distractions to focus on solving the problem causing the depression. This challenges the familiar remedy of going out or having fun as an effective approach, as this theory suggests the whole point of depression is to analyze and solve. The research and their sources can all be found in the publication "The Bright Side of Being Blue: Depression as an Adaptation for Analyzing Complex Problems," which can be read for free here.
Interestingly, this theory supports the idea that self-inquiry, if guided and structured, can effectively combat depressive episodes. This common method is referred to as "The Socratic Method." It is a system of questioning based on the teachings of ancient Greek philosopher Socrates. In this method, a therapist suggests questions for the patient to ask themselves. This series of circumstantial questioning leads the patient on a path of self-analysis, dissecting their perspectives and allowing them to understand their problems and approach the roots of their depression with clarity. Critical thinking as a cure for depression. Who would have thought?
While depression is indeed complicated, and cases should not be generalized or considered the same, these theories, methods, and results do indicate it is possible that proper therapy may be more effective in treating depression than SSRIs and other mood stabilizers. While medication has been effective in treating some, it rarely acts as a long-term solution, hence the common scenario of stacking medications on top of one another to combat each other's side effects. Additionally, these medications don't actually cure anything. They amount to putting a band-aid on a gaping wound that requires stitches. The problem isn't just the bleeding — the problem is the open wound.
Addressing the roots of depression is far more important than putting the symptoms to rest while allowing the demons that create them to continue plaguing people's minds. It simply puts a haze between the person and the influence of the disorder. An effective method of curing depression is also economically wise, especially since America, as a society, spends around $210 billion a year treating depression — and much of that money flies right into the pockets of pharmaceutical companies. However, there is hope on the horizon, as methods like problem-solving therapy and research into psychedelic treatment are becoming more common. Watch out, Big Pharma.