He whom i loved knew my mind; perhaps it was his own

I grasp at this gift as if it were a temporary pleasure to hold, like a bird that waits in a cage after the door has been opened only to fly out in a sudden burst toward freedom, I know that to cling to this lust will turn my treasure into ashes, to leave me empty on the hillside as the storm approaches.

To wait for you is hard to do when it should be easy, I would like to keep this fire burning with a steady flame but I am without fuel now. I am running low on hope, to remain patient and out of sight as to remain honorable and worthy of your love, it is a rough but noble path.

For as many nights as I contemplate our meeting and our parting and our reuniting, there are as many days spent with my eyes wandering, lust kindling for strangers or the anticipation of physical distraction. This I say to you without shame knowing that you may well be in exactly the same predicament.

Somehow I hold you high in my sights, exalted in my thoughts, as if you could never indulge, never lower yourself, always dignified, always untainted, but you are a man as I am. You are flesh and blood and soul as I am.

If I give myself over to destiny, to fate, to the gods, than I can sit here and let go, never in control but then powerless and weak, like a simple leaf caught spiraling in the wind. Yet if I allow love and then grace to command me than what a tide of peace crashes over this shore.

Once again I am that rock, waiting without waste, in comfort as if you were here beside me, as if it were you talking to me softly in the night. As if it were you with that smile of encouragement or that goodbye as I leave.