mystery of the alter

Post 8/8 returned to normalcy minus the fairytale programme, the connectedness of all things is just too obvious. Only the flesh now holds me back on this frequency of loss. My only vice is impurity through biological urges that pollute my pristine nature, so although the connectedness is obvious; the appropriate action to take in order to stay balanced remains elusive.

For some reason I don't trust or appreciate balance or the peace vibration enough to move away from lust and surely having a body entails sensation of a physical nature, seems mind is more invloved in this than matter.

Many men go to great lengths to humor me, to catch my eye, it must be the lust for life, the strength, I shrug them off. This will never leave me though it may grow less. I really don't want anxiety or depression but the link is there; the connection to all people and things.

Life has more to do with inclusion through acceptance than elimination through discrimination. Life is holistic. Moving up on the spiral is still the spiral. Leaving behaviour behind that no longer serves us, naturally and in due course, entails accepting the present moment as somehow appropriate. Choose to react in one way or the other based on knowledge and knowing or based on denial of truth, the path of ignorance, deceit and numbness. Constant fulfillment of pleasure equals constant loss of energy.

This dynamic calls for me to master it, I just don't know exactly how and I lack discipline. It calls for me to indulge in it with equal measure. If I flirt with death for too long, it shows me the agenda, causes me to delve deeper; curiosity and pain both force me to see that the body and the mind still control me. Soul rebel would train me, I can't properly enjoy the tension anymore, i can't be enticed long enough to build on such a foundation. In a nutshell: I still havn't kept a space of earth long enough for substance to remain, maintenance of substance is so important.

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