This Folk

There is smoke here, drinks everywhere and conversation ranging from quiet talks in crowded corners to boisterous loudness and extraversion in the corridor. People are milling around, everyone is on some kind of mission.

Green is the only game being played, cannabis fumes fill my nostrils and the eyes I look into are hazed. As I make my way around, people smile and smirk, laugh out loud, greet me, and eye me. I feel good in this place, I feel a buzz in this place, and I have space with this folk.

I left my heart in one of the rooms next to a painting; it was a landscape, a small building on a hill at sunrise, somewhere in Italy by a lake. I got lost with my fellow astronauts, petting the cat, watering the plants, lost in my thoughts.

A year on the Broad Red Avenue (2003)

Never say never

Cling to hope

One day

Able to wrap

Your arms

Capable of loving

You are

I know this

You do it

Without notice

Most of the time

I never

©browOFcalm2007

Mystery of Desire

The mystery of desire is once again outlined on her face, her mouth curled towards freedom, in her eyes the shadow of passing conflict, a passing of seconds before the screen is wiped clean. Sensuality comes naturally to her gestures towards me; she pours the wine in two glasses and forces the cork back into the near empty bottle. Gracefully she takes a cigarette from the pack and lights it, her fingers move with such elegance, as she breathes out the first drag she glances at me, knowing she is being observed and liking it.

I want to grab her around her middle and hold her close but there is a boundary between us, I want to let her keep talking and let her free her mind but I also want to comfort her and silence the trauma. She hands me a wine glass, her fingernails are perfect. She takes a seat nearby and moves her arm towards the ashtray. My eyes can hardly leave her and now I realise the depth of her hypnotics, still I too am not without a fence.

My mind cannot walk away from her body or her eyes. The more she says, the more I notice her failing, she is losing faith in the telling of her story, doubting the reception maybe? I lean closer and grab myself a cigarette, my moves are clumsy as she watches me, why? Normally I have the calm confidence for theses times and even flair, she stops talking and waits for me to light up, twists her hair and than leans in for the kiss.

There is a moment of silence as we get accustomed to each others lips and how that is and then just feeling without any other thing. She breaks off and leans back looking at me, a look of triumph but still fragile. I am caught by this sudden emotion and quickly move my cigarette to my lips, looking back at her with caution I breathe out and the flair is back.

A Year On The Broad Red Avenue (2003)

Radiant One

Ice is forming and melting and than becoming ice again. Time is slowing down and I’m feeling the ground under me, it is cold and hard.

Who are these people that surround me?

What is the meaning of this crazy game?

I close my eyes and turn over and detach myself once more from the wires and the clips, and I try to switch off the machine. I try to shut down the monitors and the graphs; I press all the buttons and pull all the levers until all the lights go out.

The stress ebbs slowly out of my tired body and all the voices are blown slowly out of my head, like dead leaves rattling and crackling across the courtyard and then away under the fence.

Radiant one, this experience may dawn between two breaths.

All doubts will be cleared.

There was a moment I disappeared from myself and I ceased to exist for a little while, yet when I thought these things I felt my body once more and became aware of the returning.

glazed over eyes

Just looking in her eyes, these kind of glazed over eyes; you know that she hides it well. She has had years of practice, it never really costs her that much effort, she simply is. She is almost always stoned and being stoned gives her a quality, a kind of control over her surroundings. I admire these kinds of people, they are real in my eyes, and they excite me somehow because of the difference between them and everyone else. Independent substance addiction and use without any unpleasant outward disturbances whatsoever. Instead of endless guilt trips and identity issues she knows that living is a balance between love and lust and she lives every day as if it were her last.

A year on the Broad Red Avenue (2003)

crazy times

We live in crazy times but the earth has always been a kind of crazy place, or I’m just having a crazy time in my brain right now. Right now is weird though, the other day I saw a hedgehog on the street scurrying around looking for slugs and that’s just plain weird. I’ve seen plenty of hedgehogs in my life and they are intriguing creatures but never in January. They should be hibernating right now. Weather records are being broken every week; it feels like early spring has come, it must be damn confusing for birds and animals that rely heavily on the weather for all facets of their lives, it’s crazy. This is just the beginning of cause and effect, I think most people see this as early stages and seem to just be waiting and hoping, or believing that it’s all not that bad or that there’s not a lot to really be done. I continue to go crazy, but it’s to be expected, we live in crazy times.

I am the garden in which you wander

I am the garden in which you wander; I am the pool that reflects the moonlight and the nightingale that sings as you walk beneath the trees. I am the breeze that rustles your wings, reflecting distant moonbeams. Here you are in secret but for me, here you are in comfort. The stars gently fall like diamonds on silk in this place of dreams. I am the path unwinding where you set your feet, I am the tears that line your cheek though I will never fall from you. I am uplifting; we are the eternal living unfolding and the silent alone. 

I am the Brow of Calm.

laughing and crying at the same time

I don’t know whether to laugh or to cry, so much emotion is pouring through my physical being, and I don’t know whether to praise the heavens or curse the earth. I want to sink into apathy but I am called to action. The time has come for thunder and lightning, for anger at the current systems to be channeled against the ego, the ego that wants results now, that wants recognition and appreciation and wants it now. That is why I want to cry, I want to see compensation and I crave healing but I want to laugh at this state of misery and see how pitiful it is, how pathetic it is, I want to laugh because of the simplicity that I have been shown because of this, it is so very simple. I want to shake the earth; I want to see it vibrate with life, with survival and with the power resonating from my abdomen. This energy is pouring through all of us and yet we are using our minds to manifest not our hearts, the mind has never been very positive and the heart has always been inferior to it. We can change from negative to positive just by defining the ego and laughing at it. It is time for a return to potential. It is time for a breakthrough!

Resurrection

Have you found that place I described to you, a place you once saw reflected in my eyes?

Have you forgiven yourself for seeing those things, do you choose to ignore them because of those around you?

What have they told you to make you so unwilling?

I remember how I killed the singing because other ears did not want to listen to it. I broke off a part of my own heart because they couldn't stand the sight of it beating.

All these people, they walk like the living dead through this part of my conscience, the part that stopped my growth such a long time ago and now I know. They are scared that I might suddenly lunge out at them, they are terrified of the natural highs I treasure in my consciousness, they are fearful of my resurrection from the grave they sought to bury me in.

The tombstone marks my passing into a new land; the scars on my hands mark the crucifixion of the victim and I am calling you from behind the clouds to embark. I am the songbird that sings in the light of morning.