benefit from your effort

As long as you derive inner help and comfort from anything, you should keep it. If you were to give it up in a mood of self-sacrifice or out of a stern sense of duty, you would continue to want it back, and that unsatisfied want would make trouble for you. Only give up a thing when you want some other condition so much that the thing no longer has any attraction for you.

Gandhi

Moodaholic

Waiting To Polarize?

sex-confusion

Years have passed and the fire still burns late at night, there is less confusion, all thoughts are pushed away, they may return at a later date, for now it is clear; I cannot choose and I need not. All of this society would be happier if I did, it might mean that they have some perspective, a label to stick on me, a box to put me in. Ha, I am sorry all, but for now I remain somewhat elusive when it comes to this.

But what of love? For certainly those that love me would like some certainty, o I love you man and yes I love you woman. Rest assured I love you both but in this human arena the love does differ, the feel of it changes from time to time, the body is the same but you that I lye with: you are changing, my lust is changing like seasons flowing into one another.

I always return to her in my mind, I see her as the goal, the ending, quite sure that is my conditioning rearing up again but this brings confusion and joy for I am young! He is more like a passing ship or an island, and I stranded happily on his shores, together walking, sleeping in the sun and more. When the tide comes in the ocean beckons, the sea goddess is spreading the waves bringing in the moon and I am lost without her, there is no strength in him, he is weak as I am.

Once caught up in the emotion, just floodwaters of intimacy, her body is like an anchor for me, we are one. It is from here on that I think and sink, muse over the future, making plans on my own until I lose interest and seek new shores. She is waiting for me to drown so she might rescue me and take me in.

So much electricity when he is near, so much excitement, so many past life memories enthralling me when we are together, so much sex-energy! I could not leave this momentum in my life to settle down until she calls me, until she is once again in the main frame and then I long for her.

Man and woman you are in my life. Such a complex pendulum of confusion and so you see: I must stay elusive, alone I am at rest, a star in space. When love is near I will take it, I will resonate with it, I will give it back in return but you see my lovers: I am still waiting to earth, still waiting to polarize.

3.14

I finally found out who the artist is decorating the streets of amsterdam with poetry!

Laser 3.14

capricorn

I stand above my fears

They are like rocks that fall

Down the mountainside

And this is what I was born for

To graze on the luscious grass

That grows up here

In the rain of evening

To sit motionless

Let it fall around me

A shower of light

Here I am

Abounding

it is around us and in us

It rolls like thunder through my mind, this desire.

Every waking moment is full of this, to know this balance; it is the secret life, I am empty without this, the known has no meaning, my mind does not wander and it cannot. It is the life I would share, seemingly I must forget it but I won’t.

Behind this exterior there is a secret life, waiting to be included.

What you cannot imagine, I shall be that

Come, come, whoever you are.

Wonderer, worshipper, lover of leaving.

It doesn't matter.

Ours is not a caravan of despair.

Come, even if you have broken your vow

a thousand times

Come, yet again, come, come.

~ rumi

Ode 2180

From these depths depart towards heaven; may your soul be happy, journey joyfully.

You have escaped from the city full of fear and trembling; happily become a resident of the Abode of Security.

If the body’s image has gone, await the image-maker; if the body is utterly ruined, become all soul.

If your face has become saffron pale through death, become a dweller among tulip beds and Judas trees.

If the doors of repose have been barred to you, come, depart by way of the roof and the ladder.

If you are alone from Friends and companions, by the help of God become a lord of happy circumstance.

If you have been secluded from water and bread, like bread become the food of the souls, and so become!

Rumi

I have come so that, tugging your ear, I may draw you to me, unheart and unself you, plant you in my heart and soul.

rumi

attracts the like

Again he is returned, to pass me on the street, and now as I close my eyes, he is there again.

I was asleep, while his age is more, his talents are more widely spread, his lines beyond my reading.

Back to the dreams, what is this desire?

I know it through and through; I dream and sleep, and then he passes me by like a messenger telling me of things to come.

We are aligned once more after these many slumbering months, alive for a second round, now re-uniting outside of this place, this day I saw him.

Beware of the false streets, say you, and of the older ones who play the game longer than I.

There in the midst of this life and I watching and waiting; now in anticipation for he has returned.

When this flash flood subsides, will I look back on a shared event?

he is me

He is now coming to terms with what that love is, it is not that body at all, or that face before. It is the companionship and presence, the having around of that soul.

I need you closer. Never before have I been so in love with that which I term as real, being attracted to heart alone.

In order to exist from this moment on there must be attachment to that which has no boundaries, in that I am present and pure.

For him that is: being together, for me: I am simply being, detached.

Mystic Odes 833 by Rumi

Our death is our wedding with eternity. What is the secret?

God is One.

The sunlight splits when entering the windows of the house. This multiplicity exists in the cluster of grapes; It is not in the juice made from the grapes.

For he who is living in the Light of God, the death of the carnal soul is a blessing. Regarding him, say neither bad nor good, For he is gone beyond the good and the bad.

Fix your eyes on God and do not talk about what is invisible, so that he may place another look in your eyes. It is in the vision of the physical eyes that no invisible or secret thing exists.

But when the eye is turned toward the Light of God. What thing could remain hidden under such a Light? Although all lights emanate from the Divine Light, don't call all these lights "the Light of God";

It is the eternal light which is the Light of God, the ephemeral light is an attribute of the body and the flesh. ...

Oh God who gives the grace of vision! The bird of vision is flying towards You with the wings of desire.

Sirena

By Dtergent on Bluelight

Do you know what a sirena is? (Shouts the sailor on a motorbike, the wind skims their ears like a giant gust inside a giant seashell) She sings the sailors in. They get dizzy with dreams.

On the motorbike the girl sings. The wind eats her voice up.

***

Do you know how to read without looking? Palm in palm. Lids over eyes. Walk. Stop. Breathe.

***

The goodbye is simple: The sailor grows the flowers around the temple too. (The lily pads remind him of rafts)

After he explains the consequence of flowers, the girl, she sings.

With no wind now, the song climbs up the banyan tree and drapes itself upon the branches. It comes down to their feet. (The words are understood like you understand colors.)

In a siamese wanting to forget and remember, together they sing for a gust to take her away.

sub-autumn-conscious

A passing comet, distant, on this voyage in your arms I wander naked through a passage of your life, I am not alone always, sometimes linger on someone else’s lips like a secret, accidental.

The present moment is final, I wonder with my shirt unbuttoned sitting on the edge, I am not distant now but dangerously close, in your mind like a spy, passing comet in the mirror. We are wrapped together in undressed romance, heart that beats on top of heart.

In a smile I lose sight of you, your body is rocking me, walking past the window, hands closing the door. Clothes are scattered like my thoughts, fold them up and you are mine, timeless because this present is final, everlasting.

Live Without Dead Time

People who talk about revolution and class struggle without referring explicitly to everyday life, without understanding what is subversive about love and what is positive in the refusal of constraints, such people have a corpse in their mouth.

Raoul Vaneigem