since leaving home

I would like to express certain emotions but since suppressing them for so long I seem to no longer know how. I haven’t suppressed them really, they have leaked out slowly every day like smoke through the filter of my daily smoke. I would sometimes choke on tears. I often walked elated back home from the train; I fully loaded every fresh feeling with all the inner confusion, every question became the dust lying around in the corners of my room. Gradually this became a kind of system; the fear was put to death with hope, the confusion I rolled up in a joint and smoked. Evolution is slow and social slumber lingers in the corners of my eyes even though I drunk two cups of coffee since leaving home this morning.