all things work together for good

Illusions about about partnership: one down. The life goes on in it's own way. I'm taking a sidetrack again because of this pain. When I need someone to say I understand, I know this, I feel you. The drugs do what they do. My coping strategy works for this. This is good for me, the wine just helps me feeling fine. When I truly felt this life, that's when I knew I would lose my mind over it. The ease with which they go about the daily life. Just surface being without a care for the downtrodden from birth, I cannot fathom the 'all is working together for good' theory when I know that out there suffering is tolerated and allowed. I cannot own it, I cannot go on with these demands of me, I've decided to let it slide, a beautiful slide downwards. I've found that being authentic isn't what society wants, I've found that I don't fit in, time and time again, I just can't fake it, I suck at pretending, I know it's what they desire from me but I have to say that courage isn't appreciated if you want to get a place in the sun. I understand the addicts, I say brothers and sisters, you go for it. I don't blame you one bit. They drive by so slick, they ride by so shady. The sunlight splits when entering the windows of the house, this multiplicity is not found in my fellow men with their blind belief in the dreamworld. So phantoms reach and I know that death is my only true comfort. It has been said of me that I am proud, that I stand above and it repulses them, it has been said that my barricade blocks closeness, that I can't be reached because of what I know. Maybe I do know more than is good for me but it was shown, it was there, it is there still, the truth. Yes, I am judgmental, I agree, I haven’t found that mediocrity works for me very well. I've found balance to be boring, I've found society to be repulsive and slow. Now I am checking out, good luck with your kids and your happy go lucky. Apparently it's all worth your effort.