not expected to live up to mine

First you have to have expectations but projecting all kinds of desire onto strangers is asking for strange reactions. What did you expect? No one has to live up to your expectations ever, or as long as you demand it.

Nothing is expected from you and yet so much.

So after you visualized all kinds of scenario's and when then the right candidate seemingly came along; it is not right to just jump them, they are not your prey.
Realising that when treated with respect some of the people will allow you to see them and you can hold your peace with what their actions imply.

They will try to communicate to you, that you are no longer residing full-time with them.

Rushing in with desperation and I, they just look at me with empty eyes, that don't really see. I feel frustration, impatience, not much tolerence at all. Not worth it.
But when you see where you are, fine really, still not that into it, still rather bored, waiting, I am waiting, there is no haste, there is no waste. Not much longer now and then the sky will clear and it will just be you and me.

nice and quiet

This post should be a reminder of what I know and of what I should remember forever now: smoking cigarettes and drinking alcohol is detrimental to the inner calm.

Since stopping once again; I feel that slow detachment; it seems to have gotten nice and quiet in my body, so much less confusion and more flow, less constriction.

A healthy diet is also helping, avocado and tea, helping to feel the inner physical calm.

Now when confronted with ignorance or the unknown, when feeling automatic comparisons arising; I quickly detach or at least I am conscious of that conditioning now and therefore render the duality powerless.

I am more aware of who I am and so less threatened by that stupid norm of competition and insecurity.
That drama always needing my attention, always claiming that I need to resort to addictions to numb out the pain of being so called different, when being unique is exactly the whole point of it all and the hidden strength at this time, !

allow x

I put alot of my cranky behaivour down to boredom and it's ironic because I was never one to get bored. Turning up the drama, just to shake things a little. It hasn't much to do with activity or any kind of recreation, it has to do with systems, constructs, man-made structures of thought and speech.
My personality may be complex but what about x?
There are always people ready to set me off balance and I still let them sometimes. I'll allow anyone to do anything because it don't bother me, I hope for this to be.

Much goodness to know

Do not be afraid, dear one, you shall realise all that you truly desire.
We can see that your deepest desires are of the highest alignment and so they will come to be.

You can be sure that you will receive everything you need in due time, that means; when you are ready to enjoy it and receive it best.

Choice is a rather debatable given to you at this time because you believe in the law of attraction that is coming at you now from all outlets and this makes it difficult for you when you don't receive that what you believe you should have attracted.

There is another thing that seems rather questionable to you also, that of your soul- purpose here on earth and how that coincides with your current evolution or transition. For example you can have trust in helping others by residing in their frequency but feel like that is constricting to you.

So you wonder if you have any real choice in any matter as you are drawn to, and conscious of; multiple realities and frequencies at this time.

Well we say this: 
there is much you are still not conscious of, and you cannot always see the bigger picture when you get caught up in so called negative emotions, there are illusions present in your reality, not just in your mind or experience but in the outer world too.

We see that illusions are being seen for what they are now and that you are having to accomodate and re-evaluate. This is all part of the human experience for you and residing in any frequency should be valuable for your growth, seen from a broader learning experience perspective.

All is in divine and perfect order, we always repeat this because we know these words have a grounding, calming dimension to them.

There is also the experience of time which you are learning about.

There is no haste, there is no waste.

Trust and find that inner space again, where there is calm and a peaceful knowing. That is most important as you live your life and in your living is your soul purpose, in the struggle is the helping others, you are always helping yourself aswell as others just living your life.

There should be some transcendance now at all times, there is a filtering through of your soul and the most beautiful light at all times now in all of your experiences, there is illumination even though you pretend not to see it or are just not aware of it as yet.

You are becoming ever more aware, believe it or not, all humans are, so this is the expansion of consciousness and you are playing an important part in raising vibrations everywhere you go.

The intensity you sometimes feel inside or feel you are lacking outside is the gift, propelling you forward as you wish.

Be happy to know youself, for there is much goodness to know.

Sharon Jones & The Dap Kings - How Long

this is what you shall do

by Walt Whitman (from the preface to Leaves of Grass, 1885).

"This is what you shall do;
Love the earth and sun and the animals,
despise riches, give alms to every one that asks,
stand up for the stupid and crazy,
devote your income and labor to others,
hate tyrants, argue not concerning God, have patience and indulgence toward the people,
take off your hat to nothing known or unknown or to any man or number of men,
go freely with powerful uneducated persons and with the young and with the mothers of families,
read these leaves in the open air every season of every year of your life,
re-examine all you have been told at school or church or in any book,
dismiss whatever insults your own soul,
and your very flesh shall be a great poem and have the richest fluency not only in its words but in the silent lines of its lips and face and between the lashes of your eyes and in every motion and joint of your body."

addiction inbox on independence day

psychic

Patience with sexual expression, no haste with being on the recieving end of love. No worries about self-actualization knowing that there is no such thing as wasted time.
The outward results (inner results too) are no definitive precursor of what will be, merely a signpost at a crossroads.
Waiting quietly for more goodness to unfold, yes there is a wave coming, yes this is the valley, yes this is the silence before the storm. No, there is nothing to fear.
Psychic attacks are less morbid, they go by faster and lack any real threat to long-term peace of mind. A little suicide obsession that tries to take back lost ground. Be calm, be still, but be alert.
relaxation-valley

(n)ever finished

a life that is more detached from the general hive vibe

while writing creatively i am always channeling to some degree

I am still rather at a loss as to what to make of this compulsive, destructive behaviour, i am also aware of experience being important and desire being rife with illusion.

I feel somewhat slutty and dirty now after some encounters.

I feel i am abusing my body, mind and sanctity by this behaviour. I am ashamed partially but also rather intrigued. Feel for drama.

I pray that my body can be clean of all of this lust-filled nature but experience teaches us that it is a nature; an energy. I pray to be more balanced and respectful,

I also am trying to not be judgmental, so i was horny, well it is quite an experience to have no boundaries for awhile.

Now no more obsessions or fixations, healing of abuse, shedding of darker matter and health, healthy body.

It's all a matter of perception and where to draw the line, well i know now and thanks for the pleasure!

Mostly it seems futile but feels right, saying a prayer, asking for guidance or trying to numb myself out, the tides coming in, gotta move aside for the water.

ha those years in amsterdam, bittersweet as always i believe

more distinguishable way

The energy of your guides will become familiar to you
always making contact, you will begin to feel more with your body,
you will become even more sensitive to- and aware of  -
subtle changes in energy  (response)
as the process of enlightenment or transition unfolds

crony institutions

Throughout recorded history, when their survival is threatened, governments always turn against their own people. In such an environment, it pays to decrease reliance on government and its crony institutions, and to favor reliance on oneself and one's communities. S.G