trusting the obnoxious process

During this extreme time I feel the need to document some more vibes, I know it is another big squeeze because the intensity is almost too much to handle. Although I decided to give up the struggle, another illusion, I keep seeing identical double digits on clocks multiple times per day and I know that there is something going on, a larger plan, because I have been having unusual experiences for years now.

It cannot be that what I have learnt about energy work and healing modalities has been for nothing, that too must have some significance for the future, it must be that I am awake for a reason and that all the confusion and complication right now is part of the process. There must be some meaning for the future that I know all that I know; I refuse to believe that it is all just randomness.

A future self can come ‘back’ to my time and help me out, surely? All is happening simultaneously so backwards and forwards are 3D structures but the clocks, the double numbers? It seems to me more like a great pushing of some force, forcing me to encounter the world, there’s simply no time for zoning out properly; it’s all responsibility stuff in my face.

This brings me of course towards that understanding of comfort zone: perceived negativity leading me into the new because I know that if everything was peace and love I wouldn’t budge an inch and the experiences would keep on repeating themselves monotonously. Getting all worked up about being bored when suffering this time isn’t boring, it’s just exhausting. All part of the show!

My higher self with a wisdom age far beyond my years with experience from multiple lifetimes, it jumped ship and now it’s me in my late twenties on the brow, clinging on for dear life. The waves come high, the storm is terrible and I must navigate this human mess-age on my own. It’s why the pain and suffering is there, as a catalyst, as a contrast, as a means of transport. On the other side awaits the calm, so ride it out sailor boy.

very normal and calm now

We were having some friends around, we were sitting in the sun talking and laughing and that was when I saw my myth leaving me, it was just a brief moment. There was my own mythology like a ghostly form floating away and like smoke just dissolving into the air. The trees were singing, the sunlight was all over your hair, the breeze was layered on my face, it felt like a whole lifetime in just a second. Yes, it was the deep peace of the ancient earth. You all carried on talking and nobody noticed that anything was going on with me except Sidney. He came and lay down by my feet, bringing me back to the garden and I knew it was gone, life's haunting karmic toothpaste has been spat out and there I was; sitting and smiling with my sanitized pearly white teeth.

duality discussions 4

Everything is allowed.
Compassion surely invokes action?
I still don't know why i came to learn about MK.
Trauma based and all the rest.
Watch the pendulum swing.
Life is intense right now.
Ascension symptoms.
Saying all kinds of things I never would have said before.
Having my teachings thrown straight back at me.
I just can't get used to the idea that pain=pleasure.

duality discussions 3

Life as a school?

It would seem you are jealous of the complacency, it seems you are envious of the safe and predictable lives because you have a different brain chemistry that just needs intensity but at the same time you judge your experience as boring, unsatisfactory and unrewarding.
Really, as if someones appearance and fashion taste are divining, as if cursory outward details are a reliable signpost to whats under there, or in there or hanging around there?
Don't judge a book by it's cover, bookman. 
You forget I have psychic perception to a certain degree.
I don't like the word degree, I don't like the educational system, I thinks it totally fake.
Yesterday she said: it's your personality remember, always wanting to delve deeper and deeper, ever deeper for the core. You may have more thoughts in one day than your average human has in a year.
Can't you just accept that everyone is absolutely fine in their own way?
You compare yourself with people who are on a completely different trip. You claim you are on some kind of path that goes way beyond tolerance and yet you judge others without any regard for the tailored curriculum of the earth school.

duality discussions 2

Feeling like a fool, leaning towards the light, knowing that what I write will come into manifestation. Now I know that, well it's time to write about what I want from this life, and yes I have very high standards.
Something that has been approaching for ages has finally arrived: the confrontation with my beliefs about the duality.
My confusion is about the middle road again, the discussion is about my beliefs; are they valid?
Are my desires false? What about my intent? Is wanting to eliminate suffering from my life a fallacy of huge proportions? Are evil acts justified? Are my expectations naive and based around cognitive dissonance?
Fear, fear, fear. Done, done, done. Exhausted.
There are no true rewards for any behavior. It's like everyone knows this already except me, life can be fucked up but that's the fun part. Most people are having a total blast! It's fun out there!
craving=suffering
Me back on the cognitive grindstone and just all jaded about ethics.

Truth and falsity

Spinoza's notions of truth and falsity have to do with the relation between ideas and their objects. He thinks that:

Every idea that in us is absolute, or adequate and perfect, is true.

Falsity consists in the privation of knowledge which inadequate, or mutilated and confused, ideas involve.

"Good" and "Evil"

Spinoza gives the following definitions of "Good", and "Evil":

By good I shall understand what we certainly know to be useful to us.

By evil, however, I shall understand what we certainly know prevents us from being masters of some good.

 from wiki

duality discussions

The norm is tragic and cynical to me. The false desire heaped upon false desire and the acting, yes, the world is a stage, the pretentious masking of it all, it can be just useless. How falsehood and deceit can be edgy: who may know?

The norm is painful and confusing to me. The lack of originality and integrity I see, the neediness for trends and models just so off-putting. I am not interested in form, completely bored with behavioral patterns that are formed from a need to compensate for perceived lack.

The reality of mind control flares up all around me through the controlled thoughts and beliefs of those I interact with, so blatant and so hopeless. They humans are not to be blamed or judged?

True, I know some who are free of it; there are those, some friends and family members and they know about the mechanisms now. This level of fortune, knowing them, completes the level of pain.

Reality will continue to hit me over the head until I accept its teachings and then it will punch me some more about some other deal I forgot to close. In fact I’m sure it doesn’t really matter what you do; if you chase the desire, go the way of indulgence, slip and slide from Amsterdam to Addis Ababa.

You will always return to a world filled with false pretenses, false desires, and false beliefs. You are in control, mate of mine, baby, baby. You wouldn’t want it any other way and that might make you laugh and cringe at the same time.

they descend in new forms from the tips of his fingers

Wherever he goes men and women accept and desire him,
They desire he should like them and touch them and speak to them and stay with them.

I see you understand yourselves and me

And that my steps drag behind yours yet go before them,
And are aware how I am with you no more than I am with everybody.

i become as much more as i like

That being said; I can't deny the life force rising, there is so much energy wanting to come through. Something has changed again. I have been reset once more. New cycle, me suddenly wanting to communicate again, somewhat manic as it goes, calling up old friends after years, including minor details for the superficial banter. The best part is the absence of sensorship on my voice, on my actions, on my thoughts.

drop the struggle

I have been pushing myself to pursue a spiritual path and so vigorously trying to embody the virtue and to be honest succeeding to some extent but somehow that too has not been properly balanced.

As cliché as it may sound, I too have been harassed by that ‘zeitgeist’ of immediate rewards and outcomes and a lot of frustration it has caused and I am now kind of done with it all.

Surely some foundation has been laid out but waiting for my worldly persona to catch up has been testing to my split self. The lack of grounding in the world has helped to develop the sense of isolation and feeling of difference but the worst has been the boredom and lack of pleasure.

Some questions have arisen now about the value of those studies and about the spiral because sometimes you go down while going round. One stair step can span years, time in my perception is a difficult concept, and my strivings have been counter to those of others around me.

Needing a break from that quest for truth, as doubtful as it sounds knowing me but you learn from experience. Channeling experiments were hopeful but the question of interference always came up, I’m not ready yet. Can that just be ok?

It’s fine for me to be imperfect, it doesn’t matter that I’m not good enough. Maybe truth really is for suckers. Maybe the path is also just another illusion, a stupid past-time of wanting to be some person that I already am. I am that.

so long Jane?

I'm set to release Mary. The days are already less hazy as I slow down. I wait for the night, fortunate to know the dreaming once again. Numb for so long but she has served me well. A seductive guide but with a promise. Whatever you desire, like smoke. I never made it to the house of the rising sun. By the wall of water I openly wept, moonbathing for awhile. Quite sober I returned to my bed for I longed to sleep.

notes on the shadow self

I think everything comes down to personal preferences.
Karma is not a moral dynamic, morality is a human creation, the universe does not judge.
Each experience that you have and will have upon the earth encourages the alignment of your personality with your soul.
If I let these words sink in then I can get a nice glimpse of the perfection of it all, the magnificently orchestrated.
My mind waits in anticipation of that moment when it will know all the answers but my heart already knows that it alone can comprehend the fathomless depths of this existance because of it all being somehow a unity.
We experience what we require.
A contrast between likes and dislikes can be good because it can allow us to know what we want in life and to show us what could be better.

I know when I experience something that leaves me feeling disconnected that there is room for improvement somewhere.

It is because of the shadow that we even know:
There is no fear when love is near.

There is no judgment here.

Love contains infinite possibilities and it cannot be contained.

There are no limits to the happiness available to me right now.

We are everything, all of it, we are the light, we are the dark, every part of it is who we are.

The so called issues I have are here because I am ready to handle them and learn from them.

Frequency can shift.

Vibrations will lift.

There is no such thing as 'stuck' or 'being stuck' only something that I don't want to look at, observe, be present with. 

stuck, sticky, blocked = interuption, frustration, distraction, boredom = not wanting to be present in the body, resisting the calm, an opportunity for growth and movement. 

Wisdom comes to us in the things we (our personalities) often believe we do not want.

Everyone has light!

All are divine!

Accept and love all shadow.

The shadow shows us what we need, it shows us how, it shows us our power.

Allow me to learn your language.

save2

When I walked, noodles in my backpack, I got lost but enjoyed walking slowly without a worry of time or place. Now I’m waiting for a living space, I dreamt I was there giving reiki in one of the rooms. Plant life in the morning over coffee and motown, sometimes biking to the train on a fresh feeling I can watch the life weaving again. Fashion causes anxiety, on purpose, it’s designed that way. I read that in a book this afternoon. Funny that having less people around in my personal life, feels like floating away, it’s a variety of freedom, see I’m accepting, I’m not fighting.

in his lifelight

Capricious when I dial the phone. He gives tendency towards the crying sensation, the melting throat deal, rendering the present moment all. He makes me feel ever so comfortable in my fancy body and o so lithe in my limbs, and when he gives me that sideways winking smile; lovejoy.

Now I am crossing the street to get in beside him and have to suppress laughter as I remember some glitch from the night before. Savvy to be easy during life and to know always that the trip is going to be crossing several states before it lifts off. The sun is quite sparkly again but soothing to be blind, so bright in the rays.

Not one of those guys with their sad eyes leaning, the men desperately sweeping for change, metaphorical chains, he knows what it means, he knows where the life-force went in the war. He moves through my labyrinth with such confidence, it’s because he knows the way, quite a pleasure to see how he sometimes has a map in his memory.

So honesty really is quite liberating, it’s the green growing chi that climbs up towards the wind chimes. Every time I see something in him that I recognize, he gives me the gut cracklings and it’s enough, it's fine like this, it’s good like that. He teaches me.

US study: Number of frogs, toads declining at alarming rate -- Earth Changes -- Sott.net

US study: Number of frogs, toads declining at alarming rate -- Earth Changes -- Sott.net