As cliché as
it may sound, I too have been harassed by that ‘zeitgeist’ of immediate rewards
and outcomes and a lot of frustration it has caused and I am now kind of done with
it all.
Surely some
foundation has been laid out but waiting for my worldly persona to catch up has
been testing to my split self. The lack of grounding in the world has helped to
develop the sense of isolation and feeling of difference but the worst has been
the boredom and lack of pleasure.
Some
questions have arisen now about the value of those studies and about the spiral
because sometimes you go down while going round. One stair step can span years,
time in my perception is a difficult concept, and my strivings have been counter
to those of others around me.
Needing a
break from that quest for truth, as doubtful as it sounds knowing me but you learn
from experience. Channeling experiments were hopeful but the question of
interference always came up, I’m not ready yet. Can that just be ok?
It’s fine for me to be imperfect, it doesn’t matter that I’m not good enough. Maybe truth really is for suckers. Maybe the path is also just another illusion, a stupid past-time of wanting to be some person that I already am. I am that.
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