winter can enter

Before I know it, I will be gone again, to begin again.

Will I have realized by then my potential?

To be aware of how this life is.

I am not the same person that I was.
I am grown, the behaviour no longer fits, the attitude is different.

It is not the same, I am a player in a new game, and yet it is the same.

To practise caution is what I might learn even when hopeful, even when receiving.
I am aware of myself sometimes giving towards causes that would seem profitable.
This has been my state of late.

From the past I would learn that I have only just left it, I should enjoy the change.
When the dream becomes real there is time to reflect, to express gratitude.

The winter can enter.

depth of knowing

I feel some resistance to it playing out in my surroundings and within me, there is some uncertainty.
Loss of control is causing me to be enticed by drama, anything that feels familiar to me but that is falling away now.

new Guardian

While passing through these marshes of somewhat unintended living, wading through this ever present identity of secret sexual mystery and that body of fear, some would certainly name this: the shameful expression.

I cannot deny the life-force rising.

Because of my negation, I miss this presence of confidence in my life, this force that is honorable, I miss this conviction and yet here it is rising from the submission, that area so grey that it cannot be defined, impenetrable, stubborn wasteland of orgiastic indulgence.

The life-force is the guardian.

i am elusive but never far away from you

In this omnipresence you may feel the ambience of remote landscapes and secret dwellings. Move closer to the earth.

You may linger in streams of the divine; there is animation in my aura.

I would not have you doubt yourself. I would not shake that which you have laboured on for many years; I would not let that crumble.

Experience this; let it awaken a spontaneous remembrance within you.

It is but natural for you to deny, it is probable that you will try a defense but this is the present, you will not forget this for many days.

Know that this is how the world has always looked; this is how we have always been. There is always this light around you.

500

This is post 500 after more than a year on blogger.

See nothing but what lies before you, feel nothing but this present spirit. Be a vessel, carry this freedom. Be in peace, consume no evil. Find your shelter, welcome others. Take your time… and pass it away. ( by wastedwalrus on Bluelight)

Thanks to everyone who has visited the blog, added comments, given support and helped me through this last year. I have enjoyed this creative experience. the inspiration and the entertainment and most of all the interaction with myself and others. Peace.

It takes time to assimilate the theories, to sort out the wisdom from the brainwash. Without patience I'd cast pearls before swine, they listen, often eager to point out the mistakes I've made but they seldom encourage and approve. They tell me of things (material things) that I might lose. I am alive from now on.

It takes time to learn, death can take so long, purification can be so bitter. I can promise you I'm getting wise but I won't speak of it no more. We don't communicate with sounds, we don't scan apparel, we don't despise poverty, after all we are poor and we were blind. We are a new generation, we learn from them; the brotherhood of light, seeking to find.

One life with each other, my sisters and my brothers. One life but we're not the same - we get to carry each other. We carry each other. One love.

The life we have lost

We used to wander naked under trees; we sat by the water, just flowing. Looking up at the sky; pearls in an oyster. The sun played on our faces and limbs and warmed us, the sun was with us. We were her children when we left the forest. We heard music of birdsong and laughter in the canopy; we heard distant rhythms on bark and trunk and were silent. Time was like a melody, every day was a rhyme, behind the horizon: myth.

We are fully dressed against the cold. The trees are scarce and hollow. The sound of a chainsaw fills the air; contentious. We ran for days but it stayed in our minds, run, you must run. Now we look up to the sky and see the dark that isn’t real but blots the sun, separated from our father, slipping from our mother. There are whispers like insects crawling on the forest floor, a rumor of death, aroma of theft. We are orphans, we are lost, and we are old, fully dressed against the cold.

This piece was inspired by the nomadic Penan Tribe of Sarawak, Borneo, featured on BBC Tribe. Only 200 nomadic people are left.

Guardians of the Forest

Don't look back in anger

They have tried hard to control me, keep me down, and keep me miserable in negation. Fear was the ultimate weapon they used against me. They played out their games of judgment, guilt and shame.

This is exactly how these forces work but the light these days is so bright and so discerning, it has never been as sharp as these last months.

Now that they cannot escape it they cling onto anything that justifies their way of being. They know that something isn’t right, they see the lies, centuries of lies surfacing, dissolving, illumination surrounds me, I shine in the brilliance of ethics.

In the old energy they find their last comfort before they have to face the dawn, in the energy of domination, corruption and discrimination they wait. I showed them a new way, I gave them a new consciousness, for just a little while they were free to choose.

Their pride and dogma would not allow it and they persecuted me. They tried to keep me down, they tried to keep me on their level, and they kept me in fear. For a while I went back to playing their game, trapped in the density of their thoughts. I have been the victim.

I am fierce in my new understanding and yet gentle, I am out of control in my acceptance, yet with morals, I am breaking every law and yet still responsible.

the visionary in me

I am aware of the intensity of my thought life that has its effects on my social life, that shapes the future. I am conscious of the complex fusion of nature, a trajectory of conditions, and the divine stream of colour: the visionary in me, the seconds of brilliance and the envy.

I receive the template, the grid that can be placed on any human social system. The revelations remain hidden, save to me. I have tried communication, always modest via the known channels, never compelling through conversation, occasionally slipped to others using unconventional methods. That is how I tell my story.

The receiver may decode the message, may discover the emotion, a trace, a sign, a fragrance that reveals my awareness, that once I was there, I passed by. Many times I have asked in despair: “What good is it that I know these things, these specific details and the connections?”

Now I know that these things are the source of the intensity. Watch me live and grow wiser. Learn from my impudence in thinking that I am wise.

density is dissolving

I move away, every day my vision is clearer for longer periods of time, the matter is shifting, the fog that has been here for many years is slowly lifting and I am becoming lighter.

Density is dissolving.

Breathe and wait, just take deep breaths and wait. All doubts will be cleared. Feel the divine all around you.

The universe speaks to me now.

You can see all things differently. All of your actions serve a purpose. Everyone is a potential guide. Nothing is out of bounds anymore. Honor your existence. Bring forth the abundance and Love.

wait without waste

I have been prepared to wait, knowing that this lifetime is but the blinking of an eye in a space of time that contains all lifetimes. I can wait patiently for you, for you to realize that I am waiting, that I have been waiting for many lives, that I will continue to just watch you grow closer to me, every day you move closer to me.

There is no haste, there is no frustration, there is no past or future, there is no waste. There is only the knowledge that one day you and I will merge; I know this to be fact. That is why I can wait, that is why I can enjoy the years as they pass by, even though we are seemingly apart.

I am like a statue at the gates of your heart, I am like a rock on your shore, I watch the tides come in and then roll out. I feel you eroding me, slowly disintegrating me, swallowing me up in your ocean. I am waiting, I am silent, and I am without blinking in bliss. I am aware of what’s coming, faith is unnecessary; hope is unreal because I am sure.

sex-confusion

Physical electricity, I can’t do anything about it. The mind has no hold over the thoughts that flow upwards from the heart, downwards from the heart. He is what I used to be, I recognize my own insecurity in his eyes, his body is thicker, more masculine, not quite a man yet. His every move fills me with excitement.

I am not like them, the fixations I have.

He knows about me and I know what that means because I used to be like him. I want him to know but at the same time I try to cut the connection with a fury, just to spare him from that which I have already been through. I want to protect him from the gut wrenching fear and despair. I want him to love himself without my meddling.

I feel alive while I’m slipping into their consciousness like a thief breaking into someone’s private space and afterwards I sometimes feel guilt for doing what comes naturally.

The females are safe, controlled, and unaware of the games we play together; the women play their own private games, oblivious to us men. I want to slip inside their minds and feel through their bodies, I want to know their thoughts and do. I want to comfort him like a woman cannot, the men want to reciprocate but still differentiate because of their conditioning.

One meeting a soul from a past life, meeting a sexual partner from a past life in a body like my own, with a soul so like my own, with a lust so like my own, with a need so like my own. Yet we both remain alone.

She provides the missing, she is the embrace I need and she needs me. She is like a mother and I am like her father; one meeting a soul from a past life. I would carelessly spend years in her company just because it feels safe; the conditionings have made it safe for me to lye next to her and not feel afraid. She could transform me, mould me and she does but still I am not content, the years are empty.

When I felt him for the first time he was a metre away and I knew then how we coincide. I never felt the calm before, it lasted just minutes but felt like a lifetime, it felt like an eternity because it was, it was recognition and a remembrance. It was a realization of time before birth, life before conception.

The second time I felt him he was hundreds of miles away but he was on fire for me. He was burning for me; again it was recognition because I used to be like him. I know what it feels like to be him sometimes. He was reaching out to me for comfort without lust, for love without hope, for someone who knows what it is like to burn.

Are we burning together in vain while they surround us and watch us, they always keep an eye on us and try to own us. They want us for them. I am their brother, I am their father, am I their lover?

We carelessly spend years in their company because it feels safe; it feels right because of the conditioning.

I have not yet let myself explore his body, it feels impure, I have no private room where he lies naked on a bed waiting for me, like a mystery that has no place in this reality. I have not felt his hand in mine, when I shook his hand we were straight.

It’s not strange that she accepts me, she is open to everything I hide inside, she is curious to know about my private lives, who can blame her? We once shared everything together, we once were one but we cannot go back at this time. The love we need to have together is out of reach because of the way we feel in this dimension.

I love her when I am not with her, I adore her when I am not burning, and I surrender to her when I am cold, she cannot set me on fire like he can. They cannot set me on fire like he can.

This life is a changing room, a changing room with a curtain. This life is a distance I seek to overcome, a valley I must cross. Love is a mystery to me, it has no outcome, it has no time span, love is the rain that falls softly on my hard earth, it is like rain that fills the cracks but disappears, and it dries up within hours, I have been so thirsty. I have been looking upwards, waiting for the storm, waiting for the wet season, waiting for my own personal monsoon.

Read this post + comments on Bluelight.

come as you are

Come as you are, with eyes wide open and you will see. You downtrodden in the gutters of our streets, those with pain I perceive, hungry children that try to sleep, when morning comes and the sky breaks open you will be free.

Those who suffer at the hands of plunderers and thieves in the darkness of humanity, in the trauma of a century, I am your father, I am your mother, brother, sister and I will not lie to you.

I have come to draw back the curtains on those that have deceived you for so long, I have come like the rains to wash away the blood of war and heal the earth. I have come to cast away the chains of oppression; I have no hidden agenda, nothing can remain hidden any longer.

You who have paid the price of millions and still you continue on your path with hope; I salute you and I bless you, the broken generations.

My heart breaks each day for you that walk with scars from younger years; I shed tears each night for you that carry blood on your hands, if you feel anxiety or fear, come as you are for I am near.

If you have lost hold of your dreams than look into my eyes, if you have been running all your life than let me hold you in my arms. I am your neighbor, I am your friend, and I will comfort you.

Come as you are and you will see that everything is illuminated, everything is out in the open now, there is light, the future of mankind is bright. Come as you are my family, come as you are my enemy because now I am you and you are me, together we can be one humanity.

this is where they meet

I am my own forest growing silently. I am the stretch of fertile earth where many seek to put down roots, where the water flows refreshing, where the sunlight spirals down to flood the woodland floor in golden. I am content in the silence. The trees have been here for many ages of man as I have. The earth welcomes me to lie down; the sky beckons me with outstretched arms in the warmest greeting. This is where they meet, the mystery and the reality and here is where they become one in me. I will never drown in the water; I am transparent in my own intentions. I shall never leave this place because I shall never move away from myself.

on the middle road

Sometimes the feeling of simply being alive is so overwhelming that even if I consciously drag all of my drama into the equation I still don’t feel better or worse because of it. That means that in that moment of physical and mental freedom I can think the thoughts but the attached feelings are absent, feelings of fear for example, or guilt, loneliness, distress, utter despair. It’s in these moments of power that I can even laugh at the drama-thoughts and even enjoy them. I can see them as being just as much part of this trip (life) as the peace and love I so desire. The realization of this balance, this dissolve of the wretched paradox duality I have found myself in so often this last year means that the struggles are all in the mind and can all be resolved. Now I know what Buddha means by the middle road, I can feel the neutral state of absolute clarity without pollution, I notice it emanating from my abdomen and resolving anything coming from my surroundings or from within that would otherwise disturb me. I am greatly strengthened by this subtle bliss coming and going like the waves of the ocean, coming and going from within, like it should.

Fine Art of Blogging

What is blog to you?

Internet is a lonely place without Blogging; a fine art, also a science. Blogs are different to different people. Quasi Fictional asks you - the blog artists - to share your views on Fine Art of Blogging.

Read my contribution to this project here: Fine art of Blogging - BROW OF CALM

I would like to thank Diogenes for the support over the past months and for this interesting opportunity. I enjoy being part of this Blogging community and it's been very beneficial to my personal developement the past year.

Thoughts Become Things

Mind is here and now, the future is in the mind, that means the future is here and now, therefore the future can be created with our thoughts and the law of attraction here and now.

line my memory

I open my eyes slowly, it takes me a while to remember where I am, where I have been and what I have been doing. I recognize the ceiling and the windows of my room, I know them, and this is my room. I can recall a bright intense light and fragments are returning like remembering a dream. My head is a little groggy but I feel fantastic, I am lying on my bed and I turn over onto my side. On the coffee table are cups, teaspoons, sugar, ashtray and a baggie of left-over mushrooms. I congratulate myself on the safe return and the comfort of my reality. I smile on the inside at my new found insights; the glimpses of the infinate that line my memory like silk.

A year on the Broad Red Avenue (2003)

Element Black Earth

Why do I still crave answers? - I know I will never get them

Life may end and with it all my questioning - Release

Until that happens - Am I prepared for even more dead-ends?

Around me they grow magnificent - Cut for this social climate

I am withering in bleak exhaustion - The toxic recoil

done with questions

It happens every once in a while as the weather changes, the seasons unfold and the earth turns. I look around and things look foreign, they disturb me somehow, they no longer radiate. I lose all sense of direction (again?), all I can smell are car-fumes and humid spring…confusion. I have lost the connection (again?). I move so slowly, I take my time but I am empty, devoid of appreciation.

Is this something I must struggle with my whole life, is this something that will mess up my chances of a decent life? It’s wearing me out slowly and surely, I know I will be on the up soon (again?) and then a while later, maybe even a whole month later I will crash (again?). I know that people are on medication for this, I know people get therapy for this, I know that I am still not used to it and never will be.

I am scared that it is my own doing, some kind of Karma, some kind of fall after some ego-trip but I am also scared that that is not the case and that I have a mental illness. I temporarily cure myself with new age and energy and soul power but maybe I’m just kidding myself because after all my spiritual development I still always crash and the crashing is ruining my life, my self-worth, my social life, my dreams and my every breath.

What development has there been then?

I have serious trust issues and I don’t believe a psychologist can help me figure things out, maybe a psychic can. Drugs are definitely not the answer, they have done enough, illegal drugs have held me together for a long time but probably done more harm than good.

I have no answers, I am empty and these aren’t questions, I am done with questions, these are mere observations.

Lack of meditation.

Getting caught up in the paradox

The duality of this life just gets more and more intriguing now I choose not to fight it or get too caught up in it. It’s really, really hard to not get caught up and I sometimes feel that it’s better to get caught up in order to maybe change something.

Getting caught up in vicious verbal discussions and heated debates means a descent into the realms of those blinded by illusion and ego struggles, I choose unity.

It’s hard to stay centered in the heart and not move to the mind. All around me the paradoxes and duality flame up. Truth is in the paradox, in the eye of the storm.

There are those close to me that see war as a necessary evil, that think the Bush administration is doing a good thing, that take sides with Israel against Palestine, that have hate and trust issues with minority groups, they justify the use of guns and are racist. They are so close to me that it hurts.

I will not be the one to poke sticks in ant’s nests; I will not feed the fire. Sometimes it’s best to leave people with their cherished illusions; I am someone that stands by his principles. I prefer not to have anything to do with those that base their principles on fear and ignorance but I must. I have to interact with these people, I love them, and they are very close to me. I am in this situation, I am the opposing force, and there must be a reason for this. It is frustrating and sad but I am here, I have put myself in this position and this is my place to shine.

I am just as much part of the paradox and who am I to judge?

This does not mean that I move from my principles or justify the actions of others. Being close to someone does not mean that I have to get all soft and open to their mind state. Peaceful resistance and a non-judgmental heart based foundation are crucial. It starts with the calm and light in me, the inner tends to become the outer. We reach understanding of true love through our negative actions, which is what the duality is there for, we feed it, we nurture it, and it is our school in this age of ethics.

Without darkness there would be no experience of light and so we slowly reach understanding and truth.