the cold of this climate

Through this undertone of deep sorrow
I continue to wish that it was over
This life, because I have never had the time
for romance, soul longing
Desert of rampant gay sex destruction
spread like a cosmos of death
They claim it brings joy but I cry such tears
at the lack I perceive, the cold of this climate
My soul, you know of this cruelty, you know of this desolation,
yet you do nothing, you pitiful creature
It is not great what you have done.
This sort must be extinct, the species that would love and be loved
so simple, somehow innocent, you are naive, you are dumb!
Such wishful fantasy to think
that your fellow men, even know it
You percieve, such fellowship, fools practise
this temporary oblivion.
I am dying, I pray I am dying
This reality just renders me, these dying embers are gutting,
cutting to the inner flesh of me,
such a simple thing; a touch, a smile, simple romance
unknown, companionship,
I cannot be contained here, I am alone
just a tremble of warmth, I see none in this city
I am a sorrow, self pity
no, no, not going out to get
to take, steal, there are none

reflections in trembling waters

visible spiral
spiritual viral
passing comet in the mirror

volatile passage

rummaging through the attic
of our second lives
the boxes of lies

pile up of plastic and bored
out of our minds

mind the turkey
mind the rabbit
they have a symbolic role

symbiotic hole

with the light here too
but tight all through

silver invisible

Quite alone here in the new, thought it would be refreshing but I want to go back. When I arrived here, yes it was relaxing for awhile and expansive, yet I am empty, less invigorated.

It seems like there's nobody here and nothing happening. Unless it is so new that I don't even know yet how to see or how to feel, or how to relate proper with the other residents? They must be around here somewhere, no I want to go back.

Following the life path and letting go; then I was taken, surrendered to the current. The river flowing, the weather harrowing, such a movement and a serenity.

Less involved with the pack, I keep alongside them from a distance, they are always lingering behind, caught in the far woods. I sleep alone under the stars, alert and observant, then invisible.

bedford 3

trance nation vodka
explanations
chatty and shallow
welcome break easy
ignorance refreshing extreme
state of allowing
non judgemental such freedom
not even fake even
loving clubs drunk left
behind europe tiny
crank eyes wide
here open state
cotton and cranberries

bedford 2

outward and inward
the environment becomes the mindstate

spacious, blue water, heatwave

extended daily lush living

space in the head, stretched out suburbia
little appartments are huge with the ensuite bathrooms

trucks like tanks
different moral landscape than I am used to

churches all over
diners and drive

sexual undercurrents and why not?
no hang-ups
lesbian gang tattoo

blatant but blessed
vibes I want to comprehend
simple

underneath that burning sun

bedford

skip out brother
spring art hottie

drink coffee

sleep book dance
more inhale love

light smoke job

night roommate

mostly new

Travels have led me to places, all over the world there were spaces where I needed to be, often not consciously doing anything specific but on other levels I was doing my part, raising, healing and completing. After the months of intense activity I am mostly new now; I left mary, I drove on them Texas highways for a time, all new faces. Good to know there is a peace always, god to know there is an ease and a breeze of someone that has secure knowledge of self. The chatter of demons left the airways and I am listening to the silence with much rest, angels gather now with sublime grace to usher me on, yes all will come round to me, no fighting. Believing is seeing, not the other way around, I am ready to live with honour for there is no haste and there is no waste. Human race, we are not all here yet but some are and it is good, just wait. The walls crumble down, the crashing castles of the patriarchy; in the night the lone horn has found a mate.

There are guides and teachers in this time of choosing and decision, to point out alternatives and to explain the nature of existance

Loads of number 8 today, yesterday I caught on again; I am not lost in the intensity of the energy. Seeping past-lives into this line and the anxiety of the sinking cities, tales of trauma, that feeling of impending doom-like. Now after 8/8 I feel a flooding kind of balance, like the wall of water has washed me down and I am floating on it. Let's say that I've gotten used to it, I've adapted to it. That was another time with the fall of atlantis, you have been in my mind, these past weeks. No worries with the death scenario's and complete enjoyment insured with the calm persona, despite self-judgment or any other doomed to failure attitudes.

Narcissistic projection and energetic interaction

It's not that I want to get into someones head and do a control trip on them, to overpower them or abuse their personal (psychic) space rights, I don't want that!

I would certainly not like anyone imposing themselves negatively upon my aura/thoughts.

Vibes/energies that are exciting/uplifting/thrilling to me though?
Now that is a different deal in my opinion.

On some level (intuitively) I have this figured out and it seems to happen easy. Telepathy is natural for me. It's just where to draw the line with this and not turn it into some kind of narcissistic projection project.

Then there are the protection understandings. The maintanance of a strong, healthy aura through physical and mental health. The way protection is granted to all who do not abuse their bodies and minds.

DNA activation, some parts of our brains/consciousness are still dormant, it is possible to use telepathy with all living things, especially humans and we do all the time, we communicate continuously with each other. There is really little to hide but for the sleeping and unconscious mire that we impose upon ourselves during this human experience. (for the contrast/for the game/school)

I am in a somewhat narcissistic state if I believe any ability or function or consciousness is all my doing and I am therefore better than...or if I need any kind of approval or attention (projection) from another based on percieved self-lack/insecurity.

No, quite the contrary; for me there is no 'ability' or energy 'work' without great reverance, knowing too that this is my experience, self absorbed, for now, yes, comes part and parcel. Later on reiki more.

yes on the sending of psychic energy:

It brings to mind all kind of associations with witchcraft, sorcery, shamanism, and black magic. You can understand why i am interested in possession, entities, mind control and other psi related phenomena because of the strong correlation between my experiences and what i have researched.

The information out there, up till now has not been fully satisfactory to me and it is a somewhat shady subject matter, not scientifically provable or properly documented; the shadow realms. The new age handles this phenomena rather superficially, I have yet to meet someone who can relate properly to the ethics involved.
I do have a basic understanding of how the energy mechanics work, how energy is transfered, it seems this ability comes rather naturally to me.??

For example; it is possible for me to impress certain thoughts and vibrations onto someone without their consent and plant certain thoughts into their consciousness and even have them act a certain way, and even if they don't like it, they cannot block this, it stops when I stop. In other words I am overriding the free will of another. ?
What are the consequences? Every action has a re-action.

Is this some form of parasitic behavior? Will I experience a negative boomerang effect? like psychic issues later, how well protected am I energetically? It really makes me stop dead in my tracks sometimes when I realise what i am capable of. !!! fear comes up and always some sort of conscience.

Almost always the subject/reciever is enjoying the attention and for the first time aware of the uncanny, otherwordly for me normal, happenings.

Then this phenomena also brings to mind associations with prison planet, mass mind control, secret governement, tv, advertising etc, nwo, it seems most people are energetically not protected, unwillingly giving their power away, open to psychic control (spiritual control).
Where does free will come in? Was darwin right after all: survival of the fittest??? :( Thought police indeed.

You said in the e:

i was also inspired to resurrect an idea i had toyed with a few years ago, about each person having their own domain, or empire, and that imposing one's ideas upon another, upon the world, was a kind of imperialism albeit born of personal desires, not that of the state. (what is the state version of it other than the collection of individual wills?)

This makes sense!

There is sphere of influence, aura, of powerful minds. the more conscious one is, the more power one has? and the more power one has, the more responsible one must become.
Integrity then comes into play (free will) because one may use the power to further ones personal empire born from personal desires or further ones empire born from heart space/compassion based, to further mankind, alleviate suffering etc.

jericho dub

In silver fields

down them

valley

of music
cannot describe
this beauty

only listen

with my being
here

to know the support

Sometimes the intense times we go through are also the loving ones; hanging on the edge, feeling that rush of life just breezing past us; it's maybe what we need and even what we crave.
It may be the unknown; what a thrill to discover; sometimes i'm just hanging on to see how this will develop; just to see where this vibe is going to take me.
If I'm drunk I will still give thanks to that movement.
I know it's carrying me, the love; it's cradling me, everyday I see it more and more.
Today I felt like I really began to put it to work with the removal guy.
The thought-life is important; the appreciating, uplifiting thought, the support now and always.
May all men find their way; may they find it and come to know it, to know this life as their own; to know the support and to know the appreciation that I have for the struggle.
It surely is well, even during and after the spraying, I saw it this morning again in the sky.

isle of crete

feel this shimmering warmth between us
then the colder currents

look at how they made a kind of window

for the moon and stars to shine in
and this tremulous light to surround us

The secret force and energetic interaction 2

My aura can become enlarged and I can mostly control it. I can send energy through space, I can send thoughts, it is possible. This is a reality I am used to, perhaps not yet fully adjusted to. The ethics involved still puzzle me, for example whether or not it is ok to send someone x or y (thought) energy?

I know that energetic rape exists but also energetic healing, I know it's possible to remove a blokkage or entity from someones field just with the snap of the fingers or a simple thought. My presence alone may be uplifting and I must trust in life orchestrating all humans somehow, so that my presence does not effect something without the other wanting it or allowing it or enjoying it.

What are the karmic processes that are set in motion when I send someone energy?

Be it my physical energy or thought energy, images, words and all the rest, general day to day interaction is always happening but if you manipulate someone psychically; is that 'bad'?

The answer lies in the word; manipulate (handle or control (a tool, mechanism, etc.), typically in a skillful manner: "he manipulated the dials"). My feeling is that any kind of manipulation that is detrimental to the life force of another is 'not done'.

Does sending energy to someone interfere with their free-will?

This whole phenomenon raises a lot of questions about the nature of free will and whether or not on some level there is consent from both parties in order for it to take place. Sometimes I don't feel that I am free to think certain thoughts, sometimes I feel I need to censor my thoughts just in case the person I am thinking about knows what I'm thinking about them or feeling for them or about them. Sometimes there seems to be no psychic privacy, I am not schizofrenic, sometimes I am overtly paranoid.

Who decides though what is bad or good for another and what about the reasoning of doing something just because you can, because it is possible for you to do so?

The secret force is there for those who are honorable. It is available to those who can integrate it fully. Just like learning to ride a bike or drive a car; it takes practise, it takes experience to learn to use the secret force properly without causing injury to self or others. There must be some heart space for it to rest in. It is very powerful. There doesn't seem to be much info on this subject as of yet; the mind-power thing and it's correlating energetic manifestations, it certainly is unknown terrain for most of us at this time.

This is not a drug induced phenomenon although it is very much alike to some of those experiences.
There is absolutely an altered state/reality here but it's more like the 'freakish' reality is the predominant one. The reality in which these things do not exist is unreal to me and more like an altered state of consciousness when I experience it. Sometimes I think I tampered with my brain a little but the force continues to grow stronger, previous posts on this blog confirm this and my psychoactive substance use on the other hand gets less and less.

Reiki has been a huge factor these last years. There is a link, it's all unraveling; any control I believed I had but didn't want.

I think I am a little scared of this power because I know it is so easily abused, I  have been down that road before, the one where violation is involved and it scares me, unconsciously and consciously, ok semi consciously. I may be trying to avoid situations in which I could be seduced into using this ability for my own selfish (percieved) gain. It's not something I can switch on or off! If my life force is weak or ungrounded then the force is less available and also weak for use.

I am puzzled about consequences. I seem to have no choice in the matter, this integrity is practically forced upon me by this ability.

the secret force and energetic interaction

They look at me, they all seem to be watching me, they seem struck with my countenance and my eyes glinting mysteriously with much depth. I grant you, I am no freak. It's all very fresh and unusual, I am not your average, this may be the first time they have ever encountered someone like me or this vibe.

Yes, the interest is welcome and flattering but I would say that it is not wholly by my doing, or my genes doing, or my personality. It is the secret force, available to all, maybe I am the new human.

They stare, they try to look away or they look away and then look back again, and I see an expression, one of bafflement and semi-shock on their faces, and some are angry at themselves as if they can no longer suppress/hide something.

Some people are lusty eyed, others are amused and attracted but I know better than to put it down to sex appeal, sometimes sexual energy is definately part of it but there's more to this strange interaction than just that.

It's often as if some beforehand unconscious inner spirit/soul part of them recognizes the spirit/soul part of me. The human beings personality/identity just thinks WTF is with that guy or WTF is with me checking him out???

from the archives

at the core 
there is no right or wrong 
only silence
no words, no violence, 
no reason for writing or fighting

trusting the obnoxious process

During this extreme time I feel the need to document some more vibes, I know it is another big squeeze because the intensity is almost too much to handle. Although I decided to give up the struggle, another illusion, I keep seeing identical double digits on clocks multiple times per day and I know that there is something going on, a larger plan, because I have been having unusual experiences for years now.

It cannot be that what I have learnt about energy work and healing modalities has been for nothing, that too must have some significance for the future, it must be that I am awake for a reason and that all the confusion and complication right now is part of the process. There must be some meaning for the future that I know all that I know; I refuse to believe that it is all just randomness.

A future self can come ‘back’ to my time and help me out, surely? All is happening simultaneously so backwards and forwards are 3D structures but the clocks, the double numbers? It seems to me more like a great pushing of some force, forcing me to encounter the world, there’s simply no time for zoning out properly; it’s all responsibility stuff in my face.

This brings me of course towards that understanding of comfort zone: perceived negativity leading me into the new because I know that if everything was peace and love I wouldn’t budge an inch and the experiences would keep on repeating themselves monotonously. Getting all worked up about being bored when suffering this time isn’t boring, it’s just exhausting. All part of the show!

My higher self with a wisdom age far beyond my years with experience from multiple lifetimes, it jumped ship and now it’s me in my late twenties on the brow, clinging on for dear life. The waves come high, the storm is terrible and I must navigate this human mess-age on my own. It’s why the pain and suffering is there, as a catalyst, as a contrast, as a means of transport. On the other side awaits the calm, so ride it out sailor boy.

very normal and calm now

We were having some friends around, we were sitting in the sun talking and laughing and that was when I saw my myth leaving me, it was just a brief moment. There was my own mythology like a ghostly form floating away and like smoke just dissolving into the air. The trees were singing, the sunlight was all over your hair, the breeze was layered on my face, it felt like a whole lifetime in just a second. Yes, it was the deep peace of the ancient earth. You all carried on talking and nobody noticed that anything was going on with me except Sidney. He came and lay down by my feet, bringing me back to the garden and I knew it was gone, life's haunting karmic toothpaste has been spat out and there I was; sitting and smiling with my sanitized pearly white teeth.

duality discussions 4

Everything is allowed.
Compassion surely invokes action?
I still don't know why i came to learn about MK.
Trauma based and all the rest.
Watch the pendulum swing.
Life is intense right now.
Ascension symptoms.
Saying all kinds of things I never would have said before.
Having my teachings thrown straight back at me.
I just can't get used to the idea that pain=pleasure.

duality discussions 3

Life as a school?

It would seem you are jealous of the complacency, it seems you are envious of the safe and predictable lives because you have a different brain chemistry that just needs intensity but at the same time you judge your experience as boring, unsatisfactory and unrewarding.
Really, as if someones appearance and fashion taste are divining, as if cursory outward details are a reliable signpost to whats under there, or in there or hanging around there?
Don't judge a book by it's cover, bookman. 
You forget I have psychic perception to a certain degree.
I don't like the word degree, I don't like the educational system, I thinks it totally fake.
Yesterday she said: it's your personality remember, always wanting to delve deeper and deeper, ever deeper for the core. You may have more thoughts in one day than your average human has in a year.
Can't you just accept that everyone is absolutely fine in their own way?
You compare yourself with people who are on a completely different trip. You claim you are on some kind of path that goes way beyond tolerance and yet you judge others without any regard for the tailored curriculum of the earth school.