trusting the obnoxious process

During this extreme time I feel the need to document some more vibes, I know it is another big squeeze because the intensity is almost too much to handle. Although I decided to give up the struggle, another illusion, I keep seeing identical double digits on clocks multiple times per day and I know that there is something going on, a larger plan, because I have been having unusual experiences for years now.

It cannot be that what I have learnt about energy work and healing modalities has been for nothing, that too must have some significance for the future, it must be that I am awake for a reason and that all the confusion and complication right now is part of the process. There must be some meaning for the future that I know all that I know; I refuse to believe that it is all just randomness.

A future self can come ‘back’ to my time and help me out, surely? All is happening simultaneously so backwards and forwards are 3D structures but the clocks, the double numbers? It seems to me more like a great pushing of some force, forcing me to encounter the world, there’s simply no time for zoning out properly; it’s all responsibility stuff in my face.

This brings me of course towards that understanding of comfort zone: perceived negativity leading me into the new because I know that if everything was peace and love I wouldn’t budge an inch and the experiences would keep on repeating themselves monotonously. Getting all worked up about being bored when suffering this time isn’t boring, it’s just exhausting. All part of the show!

My higher self with a wisdom age far beyond my years with experience from multiple lifetimes, it jumped ship and now it’s me in my late twenties on the brow, clinging on for dear life. The waves come high, the storm is terrible and I must navigate this human mess-age on my own. It’s why the pain and suffering is there, as a catalyst, as a contrast, as a means of transport. On the other side awaits the calm, so ride it out sailor boy.