melancho

26-09

I don't understand, I don't understand, living well seems to be to no avail here

I miss u baby.

So close by there are those that succeed in this game and then there is loss.

The lust lies scattered like dust over this silver, there is no core to this pain, there is no explanation for this missing, this fate is just choking me.

I know you go on with her, with them, into the distance you are walking and I feel like I will forever be trailing, out in the cold behind.

Kiss me one more time for this forbidden love ending, you can hold your head high with your companions and me on the sidelines, I have been waiting, filling up the cracks with studies of life; futile.

I knew I was cheating myself, falling in love with this premonition, when I should know when fear is gone, numbness prevails.

It looks like the longing for a full, deep and intense experience is universally present but can never be fulfilled in this life, any experience of this is fleeting and perishable, fragile.

This results in clingy behavior but desire is rotting, it stinks and yet it never leaves us.

To be able to feel and know anything in its totality is a futile pursuit and impossible for it goes against the nature of reality in which only change is a constant.

We will be forever moving through differing states, moving through contradicting emotions and relationships and pining for a state of love, pleasure or contentment that is lasting but nothing lasts beyond any measure of time, certainly not love, certainly not desire.

When the dark thunderheads approached me through the window, here was this body that aches and creaks alone.

For the day is passing like the white sands through my fingers, for the evening comes as a remedy to be mixed, soothing as a lotion for the cracked skin of my land.

I drink of the old solution that I once shared, the song of Solomon and in the air it carries as a siren across the tide.

Drowning in the creek, face down in the muddy water, I would surface but hide, in the grasses I weep for my lost shepherd, in the darkness I am racked for my heart.

He came over the moor with sadness on his brow, like was his trade.

When the music comes in the night; the dub reggae, then shall I slow down to meet the memory of you while I lye and absorb. 

Drinks can never fully numb me out to this romance, smoke can never fully cloud the movies of the mind, sleep can not shut out the sensation of skin on skin. 

Your perfume lingers on my shirt, the band plays on, the floating chords.