They don't understand the splitting

Being real and honest takes courage, for me it doesn't feel like that though.

When I open up to family members about my situation, how devastating it has been and how difficult it is to be me, they seem sympathetic but always detached because from where they stand with their perfect lives in which they always get what they want and have no deeper experience; my life is seen as a failure to fit into the system because I am no longer part of that system, a system that provides for them. 

The cost? 

They have no concept of cost, its not costing them because they don't understand the splitting. 

I have my integrity and to give that up would cost me everything, naturally. For them there is no other way than the false system and immersion in the false matrix is good to them; it provides for them. 

I feel so embarrassed again after explaining my deep rooted anxiety and restlessness having to interface with a system that for them is their sustenance. In fact it makes them feel even more successful and accomplished when they see me under full attack. It reaffirms them and they can judge me and write me off on the grounds that I am maladjusted and have mental health problems which from their perspective is the truth. 

From my perspective I am breaking away from a death cult and learning how to survive in a new light, from a place of integrity. A place where I firmly do not give consent. Living like this is its own reward but so far that is not material in the same way as living entrenched in the false light of the matrix control grid is. I know that my mission can make them feel uncomfortable because my existence is in fact calling them out. No one wants to wake up from a pleasant dream. 

All I want them to know is that they are living a dream but they are not (yet) ready to wake up. They know my separation like a myth.