Good to hear that your tooth thing is better.
I had a depressive episode at work this afternoon, it was the kind of episode that comes on without warning, although last night I felt some of those isolation feelings so that was sort of a prelude. The pain has been quite bad, waking up from it in the night and just the usual vibe of complete alienation I suppose triggered the slide, also Leo made a remark about this one guys girlfriend being attractive/hot that somehow just caused me to energetically deplete. I can only conclude that subconsciously I have some kind of pathetic ego wound/sense of entitlement that my soul/being doesn't really care much for, is disinterested in. It would seem that happiness and experience/learning/growing are not mutually inclusive when the soul/higher self is concerned. As usual I can also conclude that support in life for meaning and joy is meager/mediocre at best. What else is new?
Anyways I was feeling quite good this morning, I found a book at the store; Dying. A memoir. The book starts out with the author (Cory Taylor) explaining how she acquired a euthanasia-solution/medication from China. As you can imagine I got into it rather fast, death being a fascination of mine and I've now almost finished it. Reading has rekindled a sense of solace for me and I hope to read more now.
Pain level has been quite bad recently although I am managing it. I have been trying my best to understand the meaning of this condition. As usual I am trying to discover if there are lessons involved, if somehow there is wisdom to be gleaned from such incessant torment and suffering. The very notion is somewhat infuriating because I am often prone to approach life in this way, to my detriment.
I hate to think of the future as a place where I am rewarded for my suffering due to acquired insight that may help others. Although I can be very compassionate I see day by day the ever growing numbers of zombified, pineal-gland calcified fellow humans who I have to interact with and yet also 'be myself' with. I think depression is a fair response to feeling misunderstood and undervalued. What else is new?
I had a depressive episode at work this afternoon, it was the kind of episode that comes on without warning, although last night I felt some of those isolation feelings so that was sort of a prelude. The pain has been quite bad, waking up from it in the night and just the usual vibe of complete alienation I suppose triggered the slide, also Leo made a remark about this one guys girlfriend being attractive/hot that somehow just caused me to energetically deplete. I can only conclude that subconsciously I have some kind of pathetic ego wound/sense of entitlement that my soul/being doesn't really care much for, is disinterested in. It would seem that happiness and experience/learning/growing are not mutually inclusive when the soul/higher self is concerned. As usual I can also conclude that support in life for meaning and joy is meager/mediocre at best. What else is new?
Anyways I was feeling quite good this morning, I found a book at the store; Dying. A memoir. The book starts out with the author (Cory Taylor) explaining how she acquired a euthanasia-solution/medication from China. As you can imagine I got into it rather fast, death being a fascination of mine and I've now almost finished it. Reading has rekindled a sense of solace for me and I hope to read more now.
Pain level has been quite bad recently although I am managing it. I have been trying my best to understand the meaning of this condition. As usual I am trying to discover if there are lessons involved, if somehow there is wisdom to be gleaned from such incessant torment and suffering. The very notion is somewhat infuriating because I am often prone to approach life in this way, to my detriment.
I hate to think of the future as a place where I am rewarded for my suffering due to acquired insight that may help others. Although I can be very compassionate I see day by day the ever growing numbers of zombified, pineal-gland calcified fellow humans who I have to interact with and yet also 'be myself' with. I think depression is a fair response to feeling misunderstood and undervalued. What else is new?
No doubt I will bounce back in due time as I always do, perhaps the whole thing is more meaningful as you always say, even though we don't know exactly how or why.
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