Sometimes the feeling of simply being alive is so overwhelming that even if I consciously drag all of my drama into the equation I still don’t feel better or worse because of it. That means that in that moment of physical and mental freedom I can think the thoughts but the attached feelings are absent, feelings of fear for example, or guilt, loneliness, distress, utter despair. It’s in these moments of power that I can even laugh at the drama-thoughts and even enjoy them. I can see them as being just as much part of this trip (life) as the peace and love I so desire. The realization of this balance, this dissolve of the wretched paradox duality I have found myself in so often this last year means that the struggles are all in the mind and can all be resolved. Now I know what Buddha means by the middle road, I can feel the neutral state of absolute clarity without pollution, I notice it emanating from my abdomen and resolving anything coming from my surroundings or from within that would otherwise disturb me. I am greatly strengthened by this subtle bliss coming and going like the waves of the ocean, coming and going from within, like it should.
Beautiful post.
ReplyDeleteI sometimes find myself laughing at my negative thoughts. When I really listen to them, they seem so meldramtic and insignificant.
Neutrality scares me, though. I don't know how you can embrace it. I'd be afraid of being stuck in the eye of the storm, waiting for the next big thing to sudenly come up and knock me over.
Sorry to be a downer..
I am overcome with ambivalance these days about continuing a particular pursuit of knowledge, and seek the clarity of vision you have.
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