curse

wake up, wake up, we are almost home
stuck, fuck this impudent sense of being
trapped in density
those that you once coached now whistle carelessly
while you writhe in disgust
in all honesty
I curse all creation
never rewarded for the effort
consolation ever further
any effort at positivity is fucked
now just sit and be happy for the passing day
one closer to death
one closer to an ending
one closer to ever increasing pain
It is laughable how much care you once had for yourself
so much compassion
brought to tears as you watched the fellow humans
the gravel cuts my face
I seek blood loss
I smoke so much, still not enough
I hope my lungs burn
I hope my throat burns
may I never speak of the illusuary light again
may I never allow myself to entertain any thought of love
one step away from doom
I welcome the destruction of self
I welcome the torture of flesh
my own, my body may it suffer for all the falseness
May I never believe myself to be loved again
for all my caring I am less of a man
for all my loving I am closer to truth
press the button
no chance of grace
what stupidity to think that I was special
from now on I shall shut the fuck up
I vow never to reach
I vow never to teach
I shall embark now on a life of utter destruction
May I end up on the streets
May I end up in the gutter
May I end up in hell
and know that I am home
and all is well